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For the first few weeks of summer holidays, I felt like I was on the edge of losing my marbles by the end of the days I was home with all 3 of my kids. I am fortunate to be able to plan my work schedule so that I am home 2, sometimes 3 weekdays in the summer, with my monkies. I planned all of these fun activities, and I imagined that we would all be laughing and hugging and having such a great time together (I know, I know!). We definit...ely were having some fun times, but invariably the kids would argue with each other, or get grumpy, or things just wouldn't go as planned at one point or another. I found myself feeling very frustrated. Why couldn't the kids just get along? Why couldn't they appreciate the fact that I am working so hard to be able to spend more time with them? Why does it have to be so hard to get supper made some days?
Every Sunday I get an email with links to some top health related articles from that week. The link below came at the perfect time for me. It discusses how frustration comes from wanting things to be different than they are. It was like a light switch went off in my head. Of course my kids are going to fight sometimes (I sure did with my brothers!). Of course they are not always going to be falling over themselves to think of me and how hard it sometimes is to be a mom (they are just kids!). Of course they may be tired and grumpy by the end of the day (I sometimes am too!). What is the point in wishing that things could be otherwise? That's the story I am telling myself.
It makes much more sense to just accept what is happening, and try to find some good in it. When my kids argue with each other, they are learning how to communicate and work with other people. When we are tired by the end of the day, think of all of the great things we did that day. Maybe if we are really tired, I should try to make a simpler dinner, instead of setting such high standards for myself.
I still don't love it when my kids argue or when things don't go as I have planned, but I am getting better at trying to fnd humour and acceptance in the situation. This realization has helped me to feel so much better by the end of the days I spend at home, to focus on all of the great memories that we are making together, and to remember how great my kids are and how lucky I am to have them in my life.
What makes you frustrated? What can you do to work to change your mindset?
Here is the link to the article I mentioned:
How Often do You Use the Word "Should"?
I, Jennifer Haessler, have been known to be a chronic "should" user. As in, "I should be meditating, or be more patient with my kids, or spend more time working on something for my practice, etc, etc". "Should" just makes me feel guilty, but doesn't necessarily change anything.
At any given time, we all need to remind ourselves that we are doing the very best that we can. We need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to others. If there is something that doesn't quite feel right, or a goal we would like to achieve, then we can use that as an opportunity to set some realistic goals to help change that, or make something happen. We can't do it all at once, but we will still always feel better knowing that we are moving in the direction we want to.
We will all do things at times that we will hope to do differently in the future. Being aware of that will help us to change our thoughts and behaviour, so in that respect, it is good that it happened in the first place.
After being a Naturopathic Doctor for 13 years, I have consistently seen that in order for patients to feel their best, they need to get past the "shoulds" and love themselves enough to start taking action. Like me with my "shoulds", we are all works in progress. That's the exciting part of the journey we call life. If you need some guidance, I would love to be part of helping you on your journey.
By far, the most common foods that show up when patients have blood food sensitivity testing done are wheat, eggs and/or cow dairy. One of my theories of why these foods are so commonly an issue is that they have all become very commercially modified.
Wheat today has been changed so that it grows faster, is more pest resistant, easier to harvest, and it has a higher gluten content (this gives it the fluffy texture many people like).
Commercially raised cows are given feed and other substances that they wouldn’t be exposed to in a more natural setting so that they produce more milk and don’t get sick as easily. The milk is then pasteurized and homogenized which changes the protein structure (I’m not saying that milk should or shouldn’t be pasteurized, just that the process of pasteurization changes it).
With eggs, it is often the egg yolk that people are sensitive to, and the egg white is in the normal range. When I had a delicious duck egg recently, I noticed that it is mostly egg yolk, with very little egg white. That got me wondering if commercially raised eggs have been altered to contain less yolk because of the fear of egg yolks causing high cholesterol (something that has recently been proven otherwise).
Perhaps many people are sensitive to these foods because they have been modified more rapidly than our bodies have been able to adapt to those changes? That would explain why many people feel fine eating ancient grains like spelt and rye (these still contain some gluten, but less of it), consuming goat milk products (its structure is much more similar to human milk), and eating naturally raised, free range eggs that contain more yolk.
These are also foods that are very prevalent in the typical western diet. It is especially easy to eat cow dairy and wheat with almost every meal. Maybe our bodies are exhibiting symptoms in an attempt to get us to diversify our diets? If we look back to our caveman days, grain and dairy products would have required a lot of effort to produce. Our diets would have included more fruits,
vegetables and healthy protein sources.
To go back to my original question, I don't think that everyone has to completely eliminate these foods from their diets, but I do see that most people feel better diversifying the foods that they consume.
I recently saw the movie "Bad Moms" and loved it!! It made me laugh and cry. Even though real life is not quite like what the movie portrays (that would be pretty fun!), the main message is something that all moms can learn from. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves, our kids and each other. We set such high expectations, and then feel disappointed and exhausted when we can't "do it all".
We need to be there to help each other out, instead of placing judgement on the "working moms", "stay at home moms", "cross-fit moms", "same sex moms", "tiger moms", "hot mess moms" and all of the other moms the movie mentions. We are all just doing the best that we can.
No mom is perfect. We lose our bananas on our kids at times, we get disappointed when they don't behave like we think they should, we let "our stuff" determine how we relate with them. Part of teaching them how to be successful in this world is to acknowledge when we mess up, and to show them that we are trying our best. Just like we would expect of them.
In the end, the truth is we all love our kids like crazy, and are trying to do the best for them and ourselves. So no, you aren't a bad mom - you're a great mom!
Every week I get an email sent to me that has links to recently published health related articles. I really liked this one and thought other people might enjoy reading it. The author discusses the following top 5 things she has learned from reading many self-help books over the years:
1. “Take 100% responsibility for your life.” No matter what happens to us in life, we are captains of our own ship. If a storm hits, we can still decide where we want to steer towards next. When people take on the victim mentality, it becomes very hard to be happy because they feel that things are happening to them, and they are powerless to do anything about it.
I have always believed that it is up to me to make things happen (although I have had to learn that I don’t always need to go it alone), and I really feel that this has served me well.
2. “You are allowed to be anything you want.” I can’t say it any better than the author, “You have an obligation to be who your heart knows you can be. This way you make your highest contribution to the world and live regret free.” If there is something that you really want to be doing with your life and you’re not, then it might be a good idea to do the goal setting exercise I mentioned in the post on April 24, and start looking at how you can start taking steps towards making that happen. You will likely feel so much better just knowing that you are moving in that direction, even if you aren’t there yet.
3. “Your thoughts are everything. You can choose to feel good in every single moment.” Someone once told me, “No one ever makes you angry, you allow their actions to have that effect on you”. Realizing that we have a choice in how we think, and subsequently feel, can be so empowering.
4. “Love yourself”. If we don’t love ourselves, then we will never be truly happy. Loving ourselves allows us to be authentic in our actions, and then we don’t need to worry about what other people may say or think about us. This is one that I am continuing to work on – it is so easy to be critical of ourselves or compare ourselves to others.
5. “There is always a higher power at work (and it is on your side).” Whatever belief system you subscribe to, I think it is comforting to believe that everything is going to work out in the end. We will make mistakes and we will have successes, but we will continue to move forward.
For the full article, click on: http://greatist.com/…/self-help-top-five-lessons-from-self-…